long distance relationships are/can be difficult. at least for me, at their core, the difference between that and a regular is that in a regular relationship, you get used to their company, and can't imagine being in a world without them, whereas in a long distance relationship (if you're as emotionally needy as i am) you have to learn to function as an independent individual because you can't do that.

like peanut butter and jelly, or maybe the bread that goes along with it - two halves of a whole, not always needed, it just makes it a lot better. the relationship just gets fueled on your attraction/like/desire/common goal of staying together, so at least that part is made clear/evident, but there isn't that daily glue (other than communication) holding it together.

sometimes though, when i'm stressed, i wonder if its even worth it (yes it is, which i know and believe) but that doesn't stop the questions, when you've gone from being able to just waddle over and sleep on someone else's bed in a less than 30 minute drive in times of stress, and i can hold it together via force of will for years, but i'm tired of always missing him and making it not matter because i can't do anything about it, so i push it to the side. and its two competing time demands, both for the future, one for love and the other for school/love of doing.

love is tiring sometimes, and i'll be glad to be in california for the next month, once finals are over. it's so rare to be blessed with that many weeks together, just to be and not to worry about anything else. and i am so, so tired of keeping my life together and organized and relatively on course right now.