every new beginning

i have a few very simple life goals (that in most people's ideas, are complex but apparently i oversimplify so no worries on that part.) and i figure if i write it down maybe it might actually happen.

when i grow up, i will have three children, two female, one male. they will be appropriately named panfryer, shortcake, and superball, abbreviated to pannie, shortie, and superball. unless i hate my espous-omate, and then in that case i'll just call them normal names. that will probably end up happening, which either says that i'm a prolific liar or that i'll hate my spouse or i'll just cave in to normality. maybe all three are true.

i like serena lenne, with a chinese name of ...well we'll get to that barrier when we have to jump it , and also it'll abbreviated to something less of a mouthful. she'll be the middle child, i think. her brother will be older than her by at least five years, and i think he should be named...matthias. matthias something which will probably end up turning into something awful knowing the way i am with names. perhaps matthias imre. (actually, he's pannie, which isn't too bad.) and perhaps i'll name superball sweetcakes. wait that's not too normal of a name, is it? how about elsa sophiline or elena sophiline. or...elysia sophiline. probably not elena because thats too similar to lenne if its abbreviated - and elsa and elysia can both be abbreviated (kind of) to elsi, which i like as a nickname. or maybe ava sophiline. or eva. or hana. anything that will make sure that elsi doesn't beat me for a bad name, which at the moment is really likeley - considering she's superball, but she'll also be the youngest. no worries. now i just need to find a last name. where's globalization guy when you need him? not here. so show up, love. i also probably will not actually name any of my kids these, because they are kind of mary - sue names...but it's fun to play around with them.

but before this stage, i will be roommates with mona and we will own three cats, (as she had a dream, and you know how all her dreams turn out – horribly) – possibly six if the naming scheme doesn't work out, because she'd rather call them socks, squirrel, and the last name was so horrendous i don't even want to remember it. oh wait she wanted to name the last one box because it'd rhyme with socks. yech. cait sidhe, schroedinger, and luna are much better names. but even though i can't agree with her on names i'd like to still be madeline eira's godmother, if you're reading this. i'll even wear glittering, fluttery wings for that honor and prance around in satin amber-colored slippers with a powdered wig of white in my guise as the autumn fairy. and then matthias imre can marry her and it'll be skanktastic. i will remember to scold him and make sure he isn't illicitly buying condoms, because that would be bad.

i will build a house. it will have a reading room with high windows, comfy bench window seats with the perfect amount of ambient light, and bookcases stacked midway high, perhaps about 6 feet or 7 feet tall, and then above them will be paintings, one for each bookcase. it will have at least a two-story, glass-ceilinged atrium in the middle of it, with plants, and gorgeousness. and it will be green. green plants, green ceiling, greenery.....a garden in the back, yes. with a shallow stream, where no one can drown, but where little fish can still flash silver and green as they dart through it. and maybe when the kids are older, i'll add it and make it more complex and deeper and maybe even have a natural pool at the end. but then i might have to chlorinate the water and then what will happen to my little fishies? but, throughout it will be something of beauty, and something of calm. even if i'm building a house for my mom and dad on the same complex. i guess the gardens will just be the central dividing-meeting area. unless my mom's anti-green thumb rips through everything like it does. i mean who waters aloe vera? ....not me.

i guess the main part that's missing is a husband. that will come in time, when and if i ever find someone who's kind to people who are probably their inferiors, smiles (or winces) when i say something ridiculous, has friends who don't make me shrivel with their rudeness or scare me with how they treat others, is somewhat intelligent, somewhat aesthetically appealing, and somewhat funny. which isn't hard, as my sense of humor is already pretty bad. oh yeah - he has to be the kind of person that wouldn't be afraid to read something like making globalization work on the metro. but most of all, we'd be completely head over heels in love, and if we were nothing else would really matter on that list. well, except he has to be able to solve a rubik's cube. not too shabby conditions, mm? (this is probably why i will end up adopting, but that's okay)

maybe all or none of this will come true. but i will find happiness, and i will hold onto it with all my words-dreams-hands-doings-being and it will be, someday. or maybe i'll end up being old spinsters with brooke and sarah, or a pink preppy polo-poppin ho like brooke says i will, and calling sarah at age 72 asking "well where's the cheese?" - and ..well, that'll be life. it goes on.

...comes from some other beginning's end